Wednesday, September 30, 2009


photo from beginning of sept. 09

Sometimes I feel like I'm missing something...

Like when I hear about people running and I am just sitting and I have lots of weight to lose.

(I haven't moved my body in 2 weeks and I miss running everyday....but I am still a runner, always will be ...just in a different way.)

Like when I hear about people traveling all over to fun places and having a great time with friends and family.

(I used to travel and really want to take my children on a family vacation, but right now we are just trying to get healthy. And I haven't seen most of my extended family members in years.)

Like when I feel lonely and am stuck in a hospital with my baby for days and I don't get to see my kids much at all.

(I really miss my other kids, and this has been really hard on them and us.)

Like when I wish just one of my many family members or friends would pick up the phone and call us to see how we are doing.
(And then a thoughtful aunt and sister-in-law send a card in the mail just because they are doing just that.)

And then sometimes I get in my car and it is quiet. And I cry.

I cry because I want that picture perfect life- the family vacation, the clean house, the perfect health and happiness...

The ones I read about everyone else having.

And then I read about others, and see others, who have lives full of sorrow and heartache, full of things I never ever want to see in my life.

And they are strong.

And they rise above the sorrow and the hardship and the pain.

And they LIVE. And they LOVE.

And then I cry because I am blessed. I have a pretty good life, not sometimes, but all the time.

EVEN if I spend a few weeks in the hospital with my sick child.

EVEN if I have a very messy house.

EVEN if I don't eat right and I have a ton of weight to lose.

EVEN if sometimes, I really want to go running, go to Disneyland with my children, and hug and kiss my husband....but I can't right now.

Sometimes, I remember, that God loves me and knows me. And He ALWAYS, knows what is best for us.

And when I remember that I CAN LIVE. I CAN LOVE.

All will be well soon.

And I have a pretty blessed life.


jen said...

wonderful post. i needed that reminder too :)

Kellie said...

Great post! Thanks for the reminder ;) Don't post often but always checking in to make sure everyone is doing and your family are always in my prayers!

Lara said...

Such great perspective. Thanks for sharing these thoughts because I really needed to hear them today.

I hope your little one is better soon, this has got to be extremely tough on you and your family, blessed as you are. Thinking of you!

The Harris Family said...

Thanks for this wonderful post. I needed this reminder. I Hope you and your baby are doing okay.

Erica said...

way to make me cry. that post was perfect. and although it looks like lots are perfect - we aren't. any of us. our imperfections and heartaches just don't always show on the surface. know that this little moment in time won't last forever.